SO ANGRY

 Life continues to shit on my. I won't go in to details, but just as I think things have hit bottom, it goes even lower. Today got shitty before I even got out of bed and went downhill hard and fast for the next hour or so after I did get up. I don't know how to fix this. My future is BAD and I don't see any way out of the badness that it is. I blame myself, no one else, it was far too many very bad decisions that got me here. Trying all I can to turn things around as promises made to me continue to be broken around each corner. --------sigh--------

Ramblings

 No thought at all on where this may go, just rambling along with my fingers on the keyboard. I got my 2nd COVID shot a week ago today, no major reactions, hoping like crazy it will do what we all hope it will. Dinner with my sons and soon to be daughter-in-law last night, great to see them, love spending time with them, even short visits around food and the television.

Work is crazy, some changes afoot I fear, some initiated by me, hoping to make things better for us all.

Enough for now - early afternoon ramblings end.

Just another day

 WOW - what a day! Overall a good one, some great conversations with people I care about, and some accomplishments at work as well. Next is dinner with a DEAR DEAR friend, some time to catch up, and work on each other's motivation issues.

 April 1, 2021 - A new day, a day to make mine, to own, to make as good as I possibly can.

I'm trying to bring a new attitude to work these days as I find motivation waning. It doesn't help that in the last month I have 2 separate blows to what I perceived as my future there. No specifics, suffice it to say, I'll continue with what I am doing now for a while longer. Perhaps I've made myself too indispensable. I certainly put in far too much time and energy for the lack of growth potential they show me. It's not in my nature to do just adequate work, but, it may be time to start.

 Star Date March 31, 2021 --- also Earth date, Colorado date, etc.

Thinking I may reinvigorate this blog and start writing again. Not sure if anyone reads here any longer since it's been years, but maybe I'll try to gather a new audience, but ultimately I'll use this forum to spew words to get them out of my head. There will be happy entries, some angry, some funny, and hopefully most entertaining.

So, fair reader --------- sit back and enjoy, I'll try to do the same

Just another Rocket Scientist

Stu

The Study

8:23 pm, I walk through the door and introduce myself to the two people inside, both dressed in all blue. As I fill out some paperwork, one of them copies my ID for their files and to make sure I am actually me. Then, down the hall, second door on the left, strip down to shorts, sit in the chair and wait for them to be ready.
8:48 pm, Red marks drawn in strategic places on my head, they start attaching electrodes and wires. They start at my legs, having me route the wires inside my shorts, two on each leg, three surrounding my heart, then my head. One on my throat, two on my chin, one outside each eye, and 6 or 7 surrounding my brain. Next a chest strap just above my man nipples and another by my diaphragm (I guess this one is more of a belly strap).
9:13 pm wires routed over my shoulder and made into a ponytail of sorts and patched into their data acquisition system they have me lie down and put one more device on my finger. So here I am, all taped and glued up with wires routed all over me, and I “get” to sleep with them watching on the cameras. Surprisingly, I actually sleep, until….
12:31 am a light knocking on my door, and in they come. About an hour later I have yet another device on my, this one forcing air into my nose at a constant pressure. And, go figure, they had to troubleshoot their data system and re-glue a few electrodes down. Then, back to sleep. It’s a bit fitful, but not horrendous with the breather unit on.
4:58 am another light knock on the door and in he comes, the other has gone home. “Ok Stuart, we are done.” Light on, sitting on the side of the bed, he is RIIIIIIPPPPPING the electrodes from my body and skull until finally I am free of the machines.
This was my adventure last night, a sleep study to determine if I need a CPAP machine to help me. I definitely have some form of sleep apnea, and the machine should help me sleep better and feel rested, etc. each day. This could really help me feel better in general.

Well?

So today is the first day in the office without Canadian work to do. They have set up a desk for me, in a shared office with my compatriot from Canada who returns in 2 weeks. I hear there is some paperwork I need to fill out before I start work on project X, but have not seen said paperwork yet (as of 12:30). I have worked on my laptop to ensure it is "clean" before putting it on the internal network. Due to ITAR restrictions, since I was taking it to Canada and back, it could not be on that network before now. So, the computer is ready, but no one is available to help me get in, ensure I have the right paths to folders, passwords for the internal wifi, or some hardware so I can string a hardline to my docking port to make it all work. So, I am feeling exceptionally useless, not getting anything done, etc. All at a time when I know money for the company is tight, so having me on overhead charging is not ideal.

Maybe if they would take a little time to treat me like the new employee I essentially am, and get me set up, tell me what I am working on, get me the paperwork, etc. then I could feel useful again. But, instead, everyone is too busy and absorbed in what they are doing that it does not happen. My "boss" who should take ownership of it and get it done, live in CA, so he is never really here to help with this stuff anyway. Grrrrrrrrr..... Frustrating return!!!

Single Digits

Counting the days ....... My last day of work here in Winnipeg is in 9 days. Not 9 working days, 9 calendar days, woohoo! My motivation is waning as I try to clean a few things up, back off the level of support to one group that has started relying on my too heavily, and transition a project to a new project manager. The catch, I still don't know who this other project manager is, so in 9 days the project will just sit on the floor for a while, then start to move a little while someone new tries to get up to speed, and finally get moving again. They will have to go through getting a contract together and paying my company if they want real support from me on it from afar. Me thinks they need to get on the ball and assign someone the project if they want any of my time to transition. No real vesting in the project for me once I leave, it either completes or it doesn't, thus is the life of a contractor at the end of his contract.